Caring for Your Family After a Sudden Death

When someone you love dies suddenly, the ground shifts under your whole family. There was no time to prepare and no chance to say goodbye. If the death came through violence or someone else's carelessness, police reports, news stories and phone calls can arrive along with the loss itself.

This chapter is less about the law and more about getting your family through the coming months: caring for yourself, helping children, and finding the Ohio programs that exist to help families like yours.

If you are struggling right now. If you or someone in your family is in crisis or having thoughts of suicide, you can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. The Lifeline says conversations are free and confidential, and it is there for emotional distress of any kind, not only thoughts of suicide. In an emergency, call 911.

There is no right way to grieve

Grief after a sudden or violent death often brings shock, numbness, anger, guilt, trouble sleeping, or replaying the moment the news came. Some family members cry often; others go quiet or throw themselves into tasks. None of this means someone is grieving wrong.

There is also no timeline. The first anniversary, a birthday, a court date, or an ordinary Tuesday can bring the loss back with full force. During my 19 years as a Dayton Police officer and sergeant, I was with many families in their first hours after a death, and the one thing I learned is that every family finds its own way through.

Caring for yourself

It can feel impossible to think about yourself right now, but your family needs you. A few basics help:

• Sleep and food. Grief is exhausting. Rest even if you cannot sleep, and eat something regularly, even if it is small.
• Let people help. When a friend asks what they can do, give them a specific job: a meal, a ride, picking up the kids.
• One decision at a time. Put off large decisions you can safely delay, such as selling a house or changing jobs.
• Talk to someone. A friend, a faith leader, a counselor, or people who have lived through a similar loss can carry some of the weight with you.

Practical support: you do not have to do it all

A sudden death brings a flood of calls, forms and questions. Ask one trusted person, such as a sibling or close friend, to field calls, update relatives, and keep reporters at a distance. Keep a notebook of every call (date, name, agency or company, what was said) and one folder for letters and business cards. Make a list of tasks and hand some to others.

Our chapter on the first weeks walks through death certificates, records and other early tasks, and the Ohio Probate Guide explains opening an estate.

Helping children through the loss

Children grieve too, often in shorter bursts and in ways that look different from adults. Some general guidance:

• Use honest, simple words. The American Academy of Pediatrics' parent site, HealthyChildren.org, suggests explaining the death in clear, age-appropriate terms without unnecessary detail, and avoiding phrases like "gone to sleep" or "on a long journey," which young children may take literally. Let children know it was not their fault.
• Keep routines going. Regular meals, bedtimes and school days help children feel safe when everything else has changed.
• Include them in rituals, if they want. The same AAP page suggests inviting children to the funeral, telling them what to expect, letting them help in small ways, and making every step optional, with a trusted adult by their side.
• Tell the school. Dayton Children's Hospital's On Our Sleeves program suggests talking with a teacher, coach or school counselor, and asking your child who they would like to know. The page also offers a free Memory Maker worksheet.
• Watch for signs a child needs more help. The AAP page recommends talking with your pediatrician if problems with sleep, eating, school, friends or self-care persist, and getting help right away if a child takes new risks, turns to drugs or alcohol, or talks about self-harm or suicide.

Ohio crime victims compensation

If your loved one died because of a crime, the Ohio Attorney General's Crime Victims Compensation program may help with some out-of-pocket costs. According to the Attorney General's page and the governing statutes (R.C. 2743.51 and the sections that follow):

• Who can apply. The page lists dependents of homicide victims and people responsible for a victim's expenses, such as parents or guardians. The crime must have been reported to law enforcement, and the victim must have cooperated with law enforcement's requests.
• What it can cover. The listed expenses include funeral and burial costs (R.C. 2743.51(N) caps funeral expenses at $7,500 per funeral), financial support for dependents of the person who died, counseling for immediate family members of a homicide victim, and lost wages and travel for family members attending court proceedings. Under the statute, "immediate family member" means a relative who lived in the same household. It does not pay for pain and suffering or for stolen or damaged property.
• Limits. The Attorney General's page says total payments are limited to $50,000 and several expenses have their own caps. The program will not reimburse expenses that other sources, such as insurance, can cover.
• Deadlines. A claim must be filed within three years of the crime (R.C. 2743.56). Under R.C. 2743.60, a claimant who was under 21 at the time of the crime has until their 24th birthday.
• Crashes caused by drunk or drugged drivers. Ohio's definition of a qualifying crime generally excludes conduct involving a motor vehicle, but it makes exceptions, including when the driver was operating under the influence (an "OVI" violation), intended to cause injury or death, or was fleeing a felony. See our page on drunk driver wrongful death.
• How to apply. File online through the Attorney General's compensation portal, or by mail, fax or email using the printable application on the same page.

This program is separate from a wrongful death claim. Our chapters on criminal and civil cases and liens, taxes and benefits explain how the pieces fit together.

Victim advocates

When a death leads to a criminal case, the county prosecutor's office often has advocates who help families. In Montgomery County, the Victim / Witness Division of the Prosecutor's Office provides crisis intervention, support and information to people affected by violent crime, and its advocates focus on homicide and sexual assault cases. Its phone number is 937-225-5623. The Division also hosts a free Survivors of Homicide Victims Support Group that meets virtually once a month and is open to any adult who has lost a loved one to homicide. Families in other counties can find local services through the Attorney General's Victim Services Directory.

Grief support in and around Dayton

These organizations describe these services on their own websites. Programs change, so check their websites for current programs:

• Ohio's Hospice (Dayton). Its Pathways of Hope bereavement services are offered to the community at no charge, including an adult grief group and programs for children and teens.
• Fernside (Cincinnati). Fernside offers support groups for grieving children ages 3 to 18 and their parents or guardians, along with school and camp programs.
• MADD Ohio. For families hurt by a drunk or drugged driver, MADD Ohio says it provides services at no charge, including emotional support, referrals, help preparing statements, and information about crime victims compensation. Its help line is 1-877-623-3435 (877-MADD-HELP).
• Parents of Murdered Children. POMC serves families and friends of people who have died by violence, with emotional support, advocacy and a parole block program.
• The Compassionate Friends. For families after the death of a child, The Compassionate Friends has a chapter locator to find the nearest meeting.

How a lawyer can lighten the load

A wrongful death claim should not become one more weight on your family. With a lawyer, insurance adjusters contact the lawyer instead of you. We gather records, police reports and bills, help with the probate steps to appoint a personal representative, and track deadlines. You will have a lawyer who knows your case, your calls are returned, and we keep you informed.

Common questions